025: Gift Expectations

None of us want there to be any drama or disappointment around gift giving or receiving. But the truth is that it happens.

In this episode, we’re talking all about gifts and the expectations we have around them. This is a subject that isn’t often talked about because we want to think of gifts as this magical thing, but that’s not always the case.

I talk about ditching the thoughts that aren’t serving you around gifting, why the “rules” about gifting aren’t always accurate and how I learned that gifting doesn’t always have to be a surprise to be special.

What you’ll find in this episode:

A segment on what’s new over in the shop
Why I wanted to talk about gift-giving and receiving
Thoughts that aren’t serving you with gift expectations
Why you should throw the “rules” about gifts out the window

Read the transcript of the episode below:

 Episode 25 - Gift Expectations

None of us want there to be any drama or disappointment about gift giving or receiving, but the truth is sometimes it happens. This is Episode 25: Gift Expectations.

Welcome to the Committed to Create Podcast. I'm Lisa Funk, and I am so excited to hang out with you here as we talk about the power of creating with our hands and our minds. I like to keep it real, remind you that you are not alone, and share specific ways that creativity and mindfulness can help us live even more meaningful and joyful lives.

I am so glad that you're here.

Hello, and welcome back to the podcast. Today, we're talking all about gifts and I'm excited to chat more about it. I think that it's something that we don't often talk about because we want to think of gifts as just this magical thing that we do, that we give and receive, and it's so special and fun, but the truth is, is sometimes it can be stressful.

Sometimes it can be hard. And we're just going to dive into it today because it's December, happy December 1st. And there are a lot of gifts that are typically given this month. And I want to go over this because it's something that I feel like I've had a little of an evolution with, as far as my gift giving and receiving, and some mindset shifts that I've had that have been really helpful for me.

And I hope that they will be for you as well. Before we get started with the episode, I wanted to do a segment called over in the shop.

So as most of you know, we have a hand letter design shop where we sell lettering workbooks and supplies, pens, paper, notebooks, courses. All the things that you could ever need or want, if you are interested in learning lettering or doing lettering as a mindful activity. And we have had so many people buying gifts of lettering for other people.

And I just have so many amazing messages that I've gotten from people who tell me that their love of lettering began with a gift that they received of one of our lettering workbooks with the bundle of pens and everything that you need to get started. And I remember her telling me that she got it from her mother-in-law's and after she had had a baby, and it was just something that she could do from home in little pockets of time, a few minutes here, and a few minutes there. And that it really made a difference for her, especially during a time when she kind of needed something just for herself to have a creative outlet and how helpful it was for her.

I've seen teenagers who have received lettering bundles as gifts who have taken them and learned this skill and then used it as an outlet and a fun thing that they can do to then create other gifts for people and use that talent in really positive and uplifting way.

It's just been so special for me to see so many of the people in our lettering community who have started out their journey and lettering with a gift that they received from someone else. So they may have been interested in starting lettering, or they may have not even had lettering on their radar, but it's something that turned into a really meaningful hobby and part of their lives.

And we have had a lot of people in our community who have bought themselves a gift of lettering supplies. Which I think is amazing. And it's been so fun to watch them then nurture that gift and learn this skill and really enjoy it. So I hope that this holiday season, as you're thinking about what gifts you might get for yourself, or for others, that you will consider lettering supplies, either a workbook, a bundle, markers, pens, paper, notebooks, courses, whatever it is that that person or yourself might be interested in, that you can find it in our shop over at handlettereddesign.com.

So today I wanted to talk about gift giving and receiving, because even though we want to believe that it's just this fun thing that's has no drama involved, the truth is that for some of us it does, or it has, or it can sometimes with the giving sometimes with the receiving and sometimes both.

So first I want to talk about gift receiving. I think that the problem often happens when our expectations don't match reality. And I don't like to think of myself as, you know, a diva or high maintenance, but sometimes it's even happening subconsciously.

Where you don't even know that you have an expectation, but you might receive a gift and you're kind of surprised or disappointed, or somehow you were expecting it to be something else. Maybe you were expecting someone to read your mind or even know what you wanted more than you knew what you wanted, because I know, I know that for me, I often find myself saying things like, oh, I don't need anything. You don't need to get me anything.

And I hear other people saying this as well, but can we ask ourselves, do we really not want anything? If we don't get anything, are we really okay with it? Or do we end up feeling a little bit disappointed or even resentful? That somehow, that person should have known that, even though I said, I didn't want anything, of course, I still wanted something.

I don't think that any of us are intentionally trying to be misleading. We think that we're being easygoing, but we're maybe not being honest with ourselves in order that we can be honest with other people. Because if we want to believe that we don't need anything, then we might tell someone else that we don't really need anything.

But if we're honest about it, we might say you know what, I actually would like a gift. And these are some things that I might like, or these are some ideas for you. So feeling resentful or disappointed are both feelings, emotions that we feel the result from thoughts and identifying what those thoughts are that we are having is super helpful. Because I believe that we aren't aware of the thoughts that we're having that are causing any disappointment.

I also think that it's really helpful to redefine how we experience gifting and receiving gifts and how we experience the holidays as well. And now of course we have December right now upon us, so we may be thinking about Christmas or Hanukkah or other holidays that we celebrate, but this can go throughout the year for birthdays, mother's day, any other time, when we might be accustomed to receiving gifts.

Now, a lot of us really like to identify as easygoing and low maintenance, and we don't want anyone to worry about getting us gifts for us. It's really hard to be really honest and evaluate the fact that we may have been somewhat disappointed in the past or surprised by gift, or maybe had a mismatch in our expectation and the reality of the gift received. And so what we really want to do is try to identify the current thoughts that may not be serving us in regards to receiving gifts.

For example, we may have a thought that something along the lines of, they don't really care about me. If they really cared, then they would know what I liked. Or they would spend more time trying to figure this out, or they would put more thought into it.

Now, of course we can't prove whether or not someone cares or how much they care, and their ability to maybe read our minds, and like I said, sometimes it's not even reading a conscious thought. We want someone to know what we want even better than we know what we want, because if they were to ask us, we might say, I'm not really sure what I want, but we then translate that to maybe they don't really love me, or maybe they don't really care about them.

I'm not saying that all of us have these thoughts, the point is to start to become aware of the thoughts that we're having, because it's not the gift that they give or the gift that they don't give, or anything about what's happening outside of us, the gift giving, it's our thoughts ABOUT the gift that they give or don't give or how they give it, or what they give. That is what's causing us the pain or the disappointment or the sadness.

Another thought that might not serve you, is something like I put all this time and energy into buying gifts for other people, and no one gets me anything. Now that may or may not be true. Sometimes our brain likes to be extreme and tell us that no one cares, no one gets us anything. But the truth is that you might be in a situation where maybe you have small children that can't necessarily shop for you, and maybe you aren't necessarily receiving a lot of gifts. And so it is true that people aren't getting you things.

Well, what I want to say is that even if something is technically true, it doesn't mean that we need to dwell on it or focus on it, or think about it, thinking about that thing or continuing to think that thought isn't helping us. So we really want to start to be aware of the thoughts that we have.

If we're noticing that we're feeling negatively about the gifts that we're receiving or not receiving and why it's bothering you. It's also helpful to evaluate the beliefs that you have about gifts giving. Kind of the manual, the rules that you have about gifts, like that it's selfish to buy your own gifts or that, you know, you shouldn't have to tell someone exactly what you want them to get or that if you tell them, and then there's no surprise that it's not as fun.

All of those are beliefs or rules that you have just kind of made up in your head about gift giving. Is that there are no real rules. We get to make the rules. And when we change the rules, sometimes then we can enjoy it a little bit more.

For example, I used to not think that it was a great idea to buy your own gifts or to tell someone exactly what you wanted them to buy. I thought that having it be a surprise was really important. Not knowing what to expect was a really important part of giving gifts and receiving gifts. But you want to know what takes the fun out of getting gifts is being disappointed about a gift and not even knowing why. And then trying to figure out how to hide your disappointment, that you don't even know why you're feeling. So I decided that maybe it didn't need to be a surprise and maybe it was okay if sometimes I bought my own gifts.

Now this happened in relation to my birthday because I always felt like it's no big deal. We don't need to do anything big for my birthday. And my sweet husband always did really nice things, but I didn't want to put that burden on him, of him feeling like he needed to come up with some extraordinary activity every time and read my mind, again, me, not exactly knowing what was in my mind or in my subconscious.

And so I decided, I can plan my own birthday. If I want to go out of town for the weekend, I can plan where we're going to go and where we're going to stay. If I want to have a certain meal, I can decide what that's going to be and make arrangements for it. If I want to have a certain gift, I can buy that gift.

And at first it felt kind of silly to do that. And then I thought, well, I can change the rules or my manual about how gifting should go, how birthdays should go. And I have found that I have really enjoyed just kind of throwing those rules out the window again. Where did the rules come from? I don't know, but we get to decide how we want to do gifts and receive gifts and what's okay.

And for a lot of us, it's weird to decide that we want to buy our own gifts. For some of you, you've always been okay with it. And I think that's amazing, but for me, deciding that I can plan my own birthday and can be super fun and I'm not going to be disappointed or feel like, oh, I really kind of wanted to do something else because I'm the one planning.

Now if I plan things and then someone else happens to buy something else for me or do something nice, of course, it's wonderful. And I love it, but I'm not expecting it. I'm not having some unmet expectation that's going to make me feel kind of disappointed and sad that people didn't know what I wanted even more than I did.

And I'm not putting all of my eggs in that basket because people may or may not behave the way that we want them to, or even the way that we tell them to you might tell someone I'd really like you to plan, you know, a getaway for my birthday or I'd really like you to get me this particular gift. They may or may not do it. Even when you tell them what you would like.

And so I think it's important to decide what matters to you and how you want to feel and take as much control over it as you can so that you enjoy the experience. And don't put that on someone else who may or may not come through.

And as far as gift receiving goes, It's really helpful to identify and practice thoughts a head of time that are going to help us. Because like I said, none of us want to be disappointed. None of us want to feel like, oh, well that isn't quite what I was hoping for. Because a lot of the time it is subconscious and we can't even necessarily put our finger on it.

So some of the thoughts that I want to offer you that you might practice as far as gift receiving goes, are these: I know that I'm loved no matter what, it's okay to buy my own gifts. This is how they show their love for me. Sometimes I'm disappointed and that's okay. It's okay if it's not a surprise, because like I said, I've had this belief that things need to be a surprise in order to be exciting and magical as a gift, which I have come to change my mind on, but that's been something in the past that I have believed it was one of my gift rules and changing that rule for myself, and when I give gifts to others has been really helpful.

Now, as far as gift giving goes, a lot of these things still apply. Expectations and reality not matching up, which is basically that our thoughts are causing us problems and we can't control the thoughts of other people. So when we want to give the perfect gift and we've put so much thought into it, and we give it to someone who may seem a little disappointed or may not have the response that we were hoping for, we can feel really disappointed because of the thoughts that we're having. The gift giving in and of itself, outside of us, isn't hard or stressful or sad or disappointing. It's the thoughts that we're having about it. And of course, the thoughts that the recipient is having about.

So, like I said before, I used to think that really a huge part of the fun of gifting was the surprise element. So even if someone gave me a list of what they wanted, I kinda it didn't really want to use the list because I thought, well, then they're just going to know what it is. And it feels like cheating somehow or taking this fun element out of it because I have these rules about how gifting was supposed to go.

And so then the people probably felt disappointed because I didn't get them what they actually wanted all in the name of having this element of surprise, because I thought that that was so important. So I have really changed the way that I think about gifting and that it's okay if it's not a surprise and that maybe it's wonderful if it's not a surprise that it's okay to get someone exactly what they're asking for. Even if they already know what it is.

Part of the disappointment that comes when we're giving gifts can be when people don't have the reaction that we're hoping for. I have gifted things to my kids and had them say things like, is this it, or is there more, or, oh, I was really hoping for the other one or I don't really like this color.

And I will often feel really disappointed because I had this expectation of this magical moment where they're just like, oh my gosh, this is the best mom. I love you so much. You're the best mom in the world.

And I have to really identify what's happening in that moment. It's not exactly what my kids are saying. It's my thoughts about what they're saying that causes me to feel disappointed, or that can cause me to feel just fine. And identifying what those thoughts are is super helpful.

So some of the thoughts that I have that cause negative feelings for me might be something like these ungrateful children. They're never satisfied or I can never do anything right. All of those are thoughts that don't serve me. That don't make me feel good. That don't make my kids feel good. Even if I'm not saying about loud, even if I'm just saying them in my head, they aren't thoughts that are serving anyone.

Now, of course, we might have different thoughts every time, and we might not even be aware of what they are, which is why I'm doing this podcast so that we can become more aware of the thoughts that we might have around gifting, receiving gifts and giving gifts so that we can have a better and more realistic experience around it.

So then we want to identify what are the thoughts that I could have when my child or someone doesn't have the reaction that I'm hoping for when I give them a gift. And those thoughts might be, I remember doing that as a kid, or this is a totally normal kid response, or I love them no matter what, or it's okay if this doesn't go smoothly or I'm not going to take this personally, you may even have past experiences with someone who has reaction to a gift that you don't necessarily love. And somehow we think the next time, if we just get the right gift or a better gift or a different gift that they won't have that kind of response, and then maybe they do again.

And somehow we're surprised that they have that kind of response, even though they've had it before. And maybe we could just prepare ourselves that that's probably going to happen and it's okay.

Around the holidays. I think we love to imagine magic and making memories. And the truth is that it is magical, but it's not without challenges too.

When I think about, you know, the fun we have making gingerbread houses, I've somehow blocked out all of the parts where someone's crying because it's falling apart or someone's upset because the stuff isn't sticking or it's not their turn yet, or we're not starting fast enough. There are lots of hard moments mixed in with the magic and that's just how it goes.

And that is how it goes with gift giving and receiving too. And whoever we're giving gifts to, their experience is based on their thoughts. So even when we try to help them have this great experience, we might try to help them have realistic expectations.

Like we might not get everything on your list, or that might not happen. We cannot control how they are going to think and therefore how they're going to feel in those situations. So with gift giving and receiving, we want to identify our current or past expectations because often how we have felt in the past repeats itself, unless we become aware of it and do something about it.

We want to be open to new ways of doing gift giving. So examining those rules, like maybe we've believed that you're not supposed to buy your own gifts or that it needs to be a surprise and deciding that maybe we want to be open to new ways of doing it.

Next is to practice thoughts and expectations. So going over some of those thoughts that we want to think when we're giving or receiving gifts, like I love them no matter what, or this is how they show their love, or I'm so grateful that they thought of me, instead of focusing on some of the thoughts that aren't serving us.

And lastly is to expect some disappointment. Expect that not every gift you give is going to be the greatest experience and that you know, your children or whoever you're giving to are going to be so grateful and just throw their arms around you, thanking you for getting them the perfect thing.

So I know that during this episode, I am talking about things that we don't normally like to talk about. Sometimes it's kind of embarrassing to admit that maybe we've been kind of disappointed in the past or felt overlooked or wish that somehow someone was going to read our minds, even though we didn't really even know what we wanted. These are the things we don't really like to admit out loud, but that's why I'm here to talk about those things that no one wants to admit to, because I know that they're real.

I know that they happen and we might as well just talk about it so that we can become aware that we can change some of these rules that we have, that we can practice new thoughts and be realistic about what's going to happen. And that it's all okay.

I hope that as we go into this season of gift, giving that some of these tips might help us. And I don't want this to mean that we shouldn't give gifts or receive gifts. I think that we can do it with it just an even better mindset about it that can improve our experiences.

If you have been thinking about giving the gift of lettering, I just think it's amazing. I'm not biased at all. Just kidding, I'm totally biased. I think it's such a wonderful gift. It's an experience. It's not just a thing. It's an experience. A chance for someone to be creative, to build their creativity, to fill up their skills, enjoy a hobby, have something therapeutic to do. It builds confidence. It's something that they can then share with others.

I just think it's the greatest. So if you're interested in giving the gift of lettering to someone this year, head over to hand lettered design.com. Check out our bundles. We have the Creative Lettering Journal bundle, which is a great one to start with. It includes a workbook, tracing paper pens, and a video tutorial.

We have the Guide to Mindful Lettering bundle, which teaches brush lettering, and also has the workbook with tracing paper pens and a video tutorial, and it's all about brush lettering and then has affirmations as well. And then we have the Guide to Flourishing for letterers who are ready to kind of take it up a notch and learn about how to flourish, where to flourish, how to do layouts and designs. It comes with the workbook and a pen and the video as well. And it's just the best thing to level up your lettering.

And then the newest book that I've come out with is Daily Mindful Lettering. It comes with the book and two different pens and has 30 days of lettering affirmations.

Of course, we have a bunch of different sets of brush pens, small brush pens, medium-sized brush pens, large brush pens. We've got our lettering notebooks that are smaller. Our new spiral bound lettering notebooks. We've got tracing paper dot pad, paper, blank, paper card stock. We've got it all. Basically, anything that you're looking for in regards to lettering, come check out the shop at hand letter design.

It will be an amazing gift this year. I hope that you have a wonderful week and I can't wait to talk to you again next week.

Links:
Lettering Bundles and Tools
Creative Lettering Journal Bundle
Guide to Mindful Lettering Bundle
The Guide to Flourishing
Daily Mindful Lettering Book

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Jennifer L. IN LOVE!! What a perfect idea! I am a plant mama too, like Lisa. I also manage a great deal of anxiety. I got into lettering a couple years ago as a creative outlet and discovered a multitude of treasures in the lettering community! This book that Lisa created with her daughter is just perfection! It's all the feels for me! Thank you both!!!
Cinthanie C. EXCELLENT BOOK! I really enjoy taking a minute each day to slow down and apply my hand to something that is not only emotionally supportive but relaxing and fun to do!! The mantras for everyday are very helpful for me. Thank you for your work and bringing such a high quality product into my life!

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025: Gift Expectations

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